If you are a regular reader or friend, you know our twin story, you know it’s one of grace and mercy, sprinkled with surprise and hope. Deep down I wanted twins as a young mom. But you can’t really put your order in for what you want – so I kept it on my heart. And by the grace of God, we received them. Again, as you know, infants are my jam. When my firstborn turned into a toddler I remember saying “I don’t know what people mean by terrible twos.” “Or threes.” My eldest produced enough vigor to keep us on our toes, but not so terrible that I feared what the boys would produce.
My boys are C.R.A.Z.Y. Like have that wily look in their eye crazy. I won’t call them terrible, but I absolutely get where that term comes from now. Bless my sweet eldest for giving us a tempered first child experience so we wouldn’t know what was to come.
With two two-year-olds.
At the same dog-gone time.
So, in an effort to help anyone out there who wonders what it’s like to leave the house with twin boys – I wanted to offer my most deliberate advice. If you take it into serious consideration, it may just save you a few minutes of pride being crushed like an egg falling off a counter. If you attempt to take two two-year-old twin boys out of the house, please be prepared. This is my final offer for you before you leave the home.
- Have a lasso ready at all times. Whether we are at church, Starbucks, someone’s house or school, the second the boys’ feet hit the ground, they are running. In opposite directions. And have absolutely no resolve to turn around and listen to their precious mommy.
- Don’t place any of your value in your appearance. I mean, you can try. And sure, go ahead and put that mascara on and your cute shoes. But it won’t help. No. By the time you’ve wrangled the boys, having them sausaged between your arms like two wild chickens you won’t look right. Just leave the hair in the pony and wear your running shoes. And for the next year, just wear a hat and huge sunglasses. You won’t want anyone to know it’s you anyways.
- Limit significantly the number of times you look at other people for their reactions. My children are the ones who will come poke your kids’ face. Run around your home like it’s a horse race. They’ll eye your kids snacks like they’ve never seen food and pounce at the last second to get a taste. I’ve looked at parents for two years now, hoping to find a look of, “oh, it’s ok. Your darling children are just too cute.” But no. I usually find their look says something more like, “do something.”
- Have snacks on hand at all times, seconds, milliseconds. Now is not the time to teach them self-control in regard to food. For instance, we went to story time yesterday and I left the snacks at home because they usually miss the story because they’re just chowing down on their snacks. NEVER DO THAT. I WILL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN.
- Put ankle weights on their legs to slow them down. That’s all.
- Stay home. Let’s be real. I’m trying. We try all the time to be a family that goes out and does things. But I’m not quite sure it’s worth it. I test this out all the time. And it’s very unclear what’s better. Staying home where we can quarantine their crazy, or taking them out so that I can stay sane and let others in on what’s going on. 10/10 times staying home is easier for sure.
I love my darling babies. Please don’t get me wrong. I’ve just had to swallow a lot of pride and cool points (that I give myself throughout the day) as these boys run circles around me with a look in their eye that says, “mommy, who?” No one’s following me around asking for tips for how to be a better mom. We are in the thick of crazy and that’s all I can say. And while it’s hard and shameful at times, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Especially when I see this:
However, the next time you see me chasing after my son who by some freak laws of nature, I cannot catch, even though I’m 32 years older than him and way faster, would you gently help me form a barrier so he can’t get out?
Oh, and just by writing this I think I have found my answer – USE THE STROLLER.
Two days until my babies turn three.