If children came out of the womb as first graders we probably wouldn’t have more children — and not because that would hurt like hades.
But because of the first grade homework — and projects and fundraising and sign ups — and fruity fridays and pajama days — and facing the wrath of God when you forget pajama day.
And their incessant asking for play dates (and play dates after their play dates) and the sports. I mean, I fully intended to be a one activity mom. But somewhere along the way it’s become tennis, lacrosse, a theater class and girl scouts. GIRL SCOUTS. Here we go with the cookies. When you’re not the mom of a girl scout, cookie season is the most wonderful time of the year. But when you are . . . you gotsa call your brother who’s a VP in wealth management to remember how to do cold calls and ask people for money. Oh wait, no, that’s for the Jump Rope for Heart fund. See? Lots of asking people for money on the horizon. I mean, I just slipped on a slick nerf gun on my hardwood floors and skated across my dining room and didn’t break an arm. That’s where I’m at most days. But now. Now I have to be reminded how to solicit corporate gift-matching because of my darling first grader.
A week ago I looked at my calendar and it was nice and tidy — with a peppering of activities. I had all my color-coordinated-per-person-in-the-family activities on the schedule with some blank squares and lots of pretty white space. But now, from this week alone — every day that that first grade folder comes home — there’s something new. So my calendar now looks like this:
It’s all good things, of course. It’s just getting in the way of my Food Network time. This Chopped marathon isn’t going to watch itself.
In all seriousness, we have four kids. I birthed twins. We had a baby after twins. And nothing — NOTHING — is as challenging for me as keeping up with my first grader’s tasks.
In fact, when we’re out in public and people see me with my entire crew, most people say, “Wow, God bless you” or of course the dreaded, “you’ll miss it when it’s over.” But I’m gonna start saying, “What? You mean this!? This ain’t nothing!”
“You ain’t seen my first grader’s homework folder yet.”